Depth Work In Your Intimate Relationships

The Relationship of Love and Shadow 

Depth work done at the couple level has profound results for both members, individually and collectively. Because your partner is typically your secondary relationship. You are your primary. They are safer to project your shadows onto because of a greater sense of trust. Shadow will project the deepest shadows onto the closest and safest relationship. This shows advanced support for something deeper than but including the ego. This is one of the reasons why they say, It's the ones we love the most that hurt us the deepest. Because shadows can be projected so much easier, being willing to do the work being projected onto them creates some of the most profound changes you can get through shadow work. Coupling with someone is more than a surface level experience. There is depth of meaning that our externally focused and surface level thought doesn't even see coming.

Love is a term that is used frequently yet often misunderstood. Marc Gafni's explanation of love provides a powerful and insightful perspective that can help couples deepen their understanding of this complex and multifaceted emotion. As someone who actively practices shadow work with his spouse, I can attest to the transformative power of this practice when it comes to unlocking the power of love.

According to Gafni, love is not merely an emotion but a state of being. Love is the experience of feeling deeply connected to oneself, others, and the divine. It is a force that transcends time and space and can profoundly transform our lives and relationships. Love is the source of everything that unites this universe. It is gravity that holds everything together. It is deeper than the ego yearning for something or someone outside of the self. If nurtured and cultivated, it creates a bond that transcends human understanding. 

However, for many people, the experience of love is often hindered by the presence of our shadow aspects. Our shadow aspects are the parts of ourselves that we tend to repress or deny, such as our fears, insecurities, and past traumas. These aspects can prevent us from fully experiencing the transformative power of love. One challenge is the confusion generated when we find ourselves in shadow. The first rule of shadow work is that we lie to ourselves first. The emotional pain of holding a flawed concept of love can be so great that your ego is unaware of its source. If given a faulty construct of what love looked like, and it was a painful experience, we will project any unowned shadows on our secondary relationship. 

Typically, this is our partner. Until we do the work to see and own the shadow we are living under, we will find ourselves forever seeking those people who align with the shadow we are actively projecting on the screen of life. This is the true lesson of the Jerry McGuire line, "You complete me." We find those relationships that bring us into direct conflict with our shadow self. Because the mind is trying to write itself, it creates an external hero's journey hoping to finally release the lie that they are feeling the pain of living through. But rarely can you heal an internal wound through an external salve. 

Depth Work In Your Intimate Relationships

Because shadow begets shadow, couples get caught in round after round of shadowboxing. For example, one side may fear being trapped, so they try to pull away. Not to leave but out of the wound of being trapped by a previous relationship. They are fighting a war their lover can't see. So, their partner is left to interpret the signals through what wounded them. They fear abandonment, so they lean farther and farther in. Each one is unconscious of the wound driving the feelings. Each one doing the very thing that will create the same outcome they are desperate to avoid. Shadow contracts being fulfilled within our intimate relationships cause us to project our work onto our partner. By "Turning Within" and addressing the source of your unwitting commitment to a theater you wake up to the poetic depth that only an intimate relationship can bring.

This is where shadow-informed depth work comes in. Depth work is the practice of diving into the deep conscious so that we can expand and grow. It starts with understanding and accepting ourselves wholly, without judgment or shame. Depth work unlocks insights into how our mind processes information. The easiest way to gain purchase in your work is to start with shadow work. This is done by transmuting thoughts that have us trapped in cycles of suffering. Your shadow will project the most on the mirror it is closes to and safest to project on. We don't fall in love for happiness. We fall in love to evolve. Making your intimate relationships the ideal place to form an alliance in the work.

Shadow-informed depth work helps couples to deepen their understanding of each other and to develop a more compassionate and empathetic relationship. By bringing our shadow aspects to the surface, we begin to understand how these aspects influence our behavior and thoughts in our relationships. This leads to greater intimacy and understanding between partners and a more profound sense of connection and love.

In the words of the alchemist Paracelsus, "The highest knowledge of all is that we have the power to transform ourselves into the persons we want to be." This quote speaks to the transformative power of depth work and the potential for growth and change that lies within each of us.

Couples can develop a more authentic and fulfilling relationship by engaging in depth work together. They begin to understand and accept each other fully and embrace their differences and unique qualities. This leads to a deeper sense of intimacy and connection and greater fulfillment and joy in the relationship.

Marc Gafni's explanation of love provides a powerful and insightful perspective that can help couples deepen their understanding of this complex and multifaceted emotion. Depth work can help couples to bring their shadow aspects to the surface and to develop a more compassionate and empathetic relationship. By embracing the transformative power of love, couples cultivate a more authentic and fulfilling relationship based on understanding, acceptance, and deep connection.

Our Shadow Ceremony has been regularly attended by couples who have used the ceremony as a springboard to developing a deeper and more enriching relationship. This Shadow Practitioner 1 is designed to bring each participant into direct contact with a piece of their shadow. By owning that which we hide, repress, and deny, we move through a healing process that opens us up to experience more love. We open ourselves up to the depth of who we are, both as individuals and as a couple. We create an authentic, fulfilling, and joyful relationship by embracing the transformative power of love and developing a more profound sense of connection and understanding with our partner. In addition to "Turning Within" and other depth work practices, couples will also benefit from seeking out resources that can help them deepen their understanding of love and relationships. This may include books, workshops, and retreats focusing on developing greater intimacy and connection with oneself and one's partner.

One such resource is Gafni's book, "The Mystery of Love," which deeply explores the power of love and its transformative potential. In this book, Gafni explores the different dimensions of love and how they can be cultivated through practices such as shadow work, meditation, and self-exploration.

Finally, couples can also benefit from seeking support from a shadow guide or shadow work coach trained to work with couples. A skilled guide or coach can provide a safe and supportive space for couples to explore their feelings and develop greater intimacy and connection. They can also offer guidance and support in developing healthy communication skills and addressing any challenges in the relationship. A good depth work guide can help both couple members own their unique shadows while simultaneously developing tools that build collaboration and support to continue the practice both individually and as a couple. Our guides go through years of rigorous training. It takes more than a weekend workshop to understand the impact of shadow and years to successfully leverage that knowledge when working with others. 

Shadow-informed depth work can be a powerful tool for developing greater intimacy and connection in a relationship. By bringing our shadow aspects to the surface and embracing the transformative power of love, couples can deepen their understanding of themselves and each other and develop a more authentic and fulfilling relationship. By seeking resources such as books, workshops, support from a guide or coach, and a vibrant growing community, couples can continue to deepen their understanding of love and relationships and cultivate a more joyful and fulfilling life together.