“IF,” Ryan Reynolds Teaches Love, Shadow Work, and Our Soul

In the movie "If" with Cailey Fleming and Ryan Reynolds, the central theme is reconnecting with forgotten imaginary friends (IFs) as a way to rediscover joy and heal from past hurts. In the beginning, Cailey's character is reflecting on the death of her mother in the hospital. She says, "What I realized was the most important stories we have to tell, are the one's we tell ourselves." 

Through a hero's journey she is re-engaged with her IF while navigating her dad's surgery at the same hospital. The layers of meaning wrapped up in just this scene make the movie worthy of award.

The First Rule of Shadow Work is We Lie to Ourselves First. The Second Rule Is, There Are No Accidents. Even the lie. The story is important. Just not in the way we have been programmed.

When in shadow, we are afforded a view of the structure of our mind. Our perception is clouded by a story we are telling ourselves. The self-deception creates a distorted reality, much like how the characters in "If" initially can't see their IFs and the joy they represent. The lie is usually there to keep us from re-experiencing some painful event. The lie is the mind's way of navigating life through risk management. A nature byproduct of an evolved mind. But untended shadows can lead to suffering no matter what level of success and love we are afforded. (Robin Williams, Kurt Cobain, Heath Ledger) are all beautiful souls who left us as jarring examples of what distortion in the stories we tell ourselves can lead to. People die over the stories they find themselves trapped in.

Once I open myself up to the depth of the mis-conception, I can then project that awareness externally. I realize we are all stuck in the same incomplete feedback loop. Compassion bleeds in which strengthens both my ability to hold space for others and my ability to hold space for myself. I recognize how we all possess blind spots or scotomas that manifest in our actions and reactions. These blind spots lead to behaviors that are counterproductive or self-defeating, diverging from the truth we think we hold. In "If," the characters’ misunderstandings and lack of awareness about their imaginary friends' significance reflect how our shadows affect our relationships.

Acknowledging that I lie to myself first allows me to see this dynamic in my interactions with others. For example, if my wife is in her shadow, believing she is not good enough, her actions and words stem from this hidden pain. She has the capacity to misinterpret my words as affirmations of her inadequacy, projecting her suffering as coming through me. If I react unconsciously, I judge her based on the stories I tell myself, perpetuating a cycle of shadow interaction. This is similar to how the characters in "If" must confront their past and their imaginary friends to heal and reconnect.

Wouldn't this mean that shadow work is soul work? By delving into our shadows, we open ourselves up to experience deeper and fuller love. This work magnetizes us for higher-level experiences, fostering a world where love drives all our interactions and perceptions.

Through personal, interpersonal, and transpersonal layers of engagement, we create a ripple effect of healing and transformation. This journey reveals that even our shadows are driven by love, guiding us toward a more profound and interconnected existence. By embracing love at all levels, we move beyond merely addressing shadows to creating a more profound, interconnected reality. This shift transforms individual and collective consciousness, fostering a world where love drives all experiences, even our shadows.